she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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