I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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