My nipple is on Facebook.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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