That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
kristin has been a bad kristin
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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