i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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