Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
