I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
