How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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