Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize