yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
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