I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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