why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
