Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
