was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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