So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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