no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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