Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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