So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
