Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the condom got lost in my hair
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
