I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
