U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
