I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
