I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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