Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
