Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
