He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
