You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
