Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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