I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
