I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
