All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
