So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Just high enough for therapy.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Randomize
