i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dick very happy bro
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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