I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
