it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
