he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think im going to throw up on grandma
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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