I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
