Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
