so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
