my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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