I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
only you would photoshop your dick
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
