If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
