Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
