dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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