Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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