i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
