He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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