I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Randomize
