Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
