In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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