I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
