Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
