I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Is it because I queefed?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
