You just made me feel so damn special
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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