Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
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