this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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