Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
