she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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