who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
