yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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