I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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