wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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