shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
