Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
