I'm jealous of your bromance
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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