i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
