yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
