It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
