i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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