apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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