i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
