Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
