just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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