please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
