i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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