dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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