I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
