Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize