they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize