She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
