I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
