who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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