i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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