i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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