the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
