Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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